


The Finance Analyst

by orphan_account



Series: Batman/Superman Office!AU [7]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Superman - All Media Types, Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Humor, M/M, Pregnancy Scares, Swearing, What else is new, jason is drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 04:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6360232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An Office!AU that explores the lives of the employees of Kent-Wayne Industries.</p><p>Name: Cassie Sandsmark<br/>Age: 25<br/>Occupation: Finance Analyst<br/>Likes: real talk, friends<br/>Dislikes: surprises, Bart's parents<br/>Number of Days Without a Work-Related Injury: 11<br/>Last Work-Related Injury: fell off the bathroom counter while laughing at a joke Kara told</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Finance Analyst

**I. The Women Empowerment Seminar**

“This is insulting,” Cassie whispered to Kara. “I don’t need a women empowerment seminar to motivate me to work harder.” She took another sip of the vodka tonic she insisted on bringing into the conference room. If Jason could get away with hoarding scotch in his desk, then this should be fine.

“They just want to promote an efficient workflow,” Kara insisted, “and they decided to do so by reaching out to the female workforce. You know, because we don’t drink or fuck on the job. Well…” She eyed Cassie’s drink with a reluctant look of amusement. “We try not to.”

The woman at the front of the room in her pleated suit was starting to look a little fuzzy through Cassie’s beer goggles. Usually it would take more than one vodka tonic to get her to this level of impaired, but she had woken up with a hangover from the night before. She and Bart had just moved into an apartment closer to work and had some friends over to celebrate. She considered skipping out on the seminar, but Kara was at her cubicle, nagging in a loud voice that threatened to break Cassie’s fragile brain.

“—they’re not just for pushing babies out of your vaginal canal. Use those birthing hips to march to the man upstairs and demand better pay, better treatment—”

“I can’t sit through this,” Cassie groaned, feeling her migraine growing each second the suit-lady continued to speak. “Bruce and Clark are amazing people—”

“You have to admit that some of our co-workers are a bit rambunctious,” Kara pointed out. “Some of the women in this office could probably benefit from this seminar.”

“Whatever,” Cassie muttered into her drink. That went down nice and smooth.

Cassie was sure there were plenty of girls like her in the office that didn’t have the self-confidence of a middle school student and found seminars like this pointless and offensive. Not all girls were quivering in their cubicles at the sound of the corporate male’s shoes on the carpet. Cass sure as well wasn’t. Just the other day she drew penises all over Jason’s face when he fell asleep on his desk. And Cassie watched. And took pictures. Which she posted all over Facebook.

“I think she has spinach in her teeth,” Kara observed. Upon inspection, Cassie agreed that, yes, there was definitely something green in suit-lady’s teeth. “I know she’s on a roll, but should I interrupt and let her know that her lunch decided to overstay its welcome?”

Cassie let one of the ice cubes in her drink slide into her mouth and she began sucking on the last remnants of her drink that was absorbed into the ice. “I ‘on’t eary care,” she said around the ice cube.

“That would be mean, wouldn’t it?” Kara mused. “That guy from sales with the undercut is making eyes at me again.”

Cassie swallowed. “The one who wears crocs with socks around the office?”

“Yup.”

“Looks do not excuse a poor wardrobe.”

“They do when your cheekbones could cut glass.”

“Ew,” Cassie spat, a little too loudly. The girls in front of them turned around to shoot them glares. “That would mean you’ve been glossing over Jason’s inexcusable behavior—”

“Excuse me. Ladies in the back.” Kara had the decency to look a little embarrassed at interrupting the seminar, but Cassie decided to suck on more ice. It was something to do. “Care to comment on the glass ceiling at Kent-Wayne Industries?”

“Uh, I think the ceilings are made of plaster,” Kara replied with a confused look, and Cassie couldn’t tell if she was kidding. “If you’re asking how Mr. Wayne and Mr. Kent treat us, then my answer is fine.”

Suit-lady scrunched her nose and turned to Cassie. “And you?”

“I…” Yeah, that vodka tonic was starting to settle. “I—I think I just heard the—hic—glass ceiling break, so I need to go fix that.”

Cassie slept under Bart’s desk for the rest of the afternoon.

 

 

 

 

**II. The Ink Cartridge**

“Mother fucking interns,” Cassie cursed.

Everyone knew that the last person to use the printer when the ink ran out was the person whose job it was to refill the ink cartridges. The people who usually forgot this rule were the interns. Or Dick. Or Conner. Occasionally Steph. And that one time it was Bart. Then there were those people who were obsessed with changing the ink cartridge like Jason and Tim— _the_ _one thing they had in common._ And her. She could be a raging bitch about the printer ink.

Just as she was about to completely lose her shit, she felt a pair of hands descend upon her shoulders and ease the tension out of her muscles. If it was Jason she was would not hold back from becoming physically violent.

“Breathe, Babe.” She leaned into her boyfriend’s touch. “I will change the ink cartridge.”

“Nope.” Cassie furiously shook her head. “Whoever used the printer last should. They won’t learn if I don’t make them do it.” Bart’s laugh irritated her further, but she let him tug her even closer into his chest.

“There’s no way for us to possibly figure out—”

“I’ll check security cameras, interview this whole damn floor, _murder_ Colin and Cullen—”

“Okay,” Bart soothed after a nervous chuckle. “Let’s calm down. I can proposition Clark for everyone to have their own printer in their cubicles, but after Dick accidentally set his on fire…Bruce is still recovering from that fiasco. For now, we all have to share Dexter.”

Yes, the office had named the large, hulk-sized printer Dexter.

“Your eyebrows look great today.”

Cassie snorted a little maliciously. “Is you complimenting my good looks supposed to make my day better? Maybe how my day goes isn’t reliant on your gratification.”

Okay, that was a little much. Bart was a sweetheart, and he was most likely just trying to make her feel better in the only ways he knew he could. He put up with a lot from her, and she appreciated it, but…the ink cartridge…

Bart held up his hands. “I get it. You need space. I will see you at the end of the workday. You know, when I drive us back to our apartment.”

“Look at Cullen standing next to the water cooler,” she observed off-handedly. “What is he doing? Is he listening to music? A podcast? I know this is his fault.”

“Crazy,” Bart muttered under his breath.

“Crazy made you breakfast and tried that new thing in bed this morning—”

“And I love you for all of that,” Bart quickly tried to rectify. “Good luck on your witch hunt,” he called as he scurried away.

“Alright, you degenerates,” Cassie loudly announced to the entire floor. “Which one of you low lives forgot to replace the ink cartridge?”

 

 

 

**III. The Broken Elevator**

“What the fuck is this shit?”

“It’s called a broken elevator, Sandsmark.”

Cassie glared at Jason. “Thanks, dickhead. Didn’t realize what it was I was looking at.”

“You asked.”

“How’s Dick?” she shot at him.

“Fine.” Jason frowned. “Is your ego so big that you assume everyone with a dick wants to stick it up your tight ass?” Oh, what a _fucker_. “I happen to be madly in love with my boyfriend. Don’t believe me? When was the last time I hit on you?”

She thought about it and…She recalled Jason pretending to pick up a pencil she saw him throw on the floor just so he could get a good look up her skirt; that was weeks ago, before he had gotten back with Dick. Yes, she was a bitch.

“Right, then.” She cleared her throat awkwardly. “To the stairs.”

They proceeded to ascend the stairwell, Jason trailing behind, and Cassie pretending that they had not had _that discussion._ She was quite disappointed in herself when she found that she was growing tired by the time they got to the fifth floor, because she really thought she would last longer. Jason seemed to be having an easy go of it. It was on the eighth floor that they found Gross Daryl dozing off.

“Leave him,” Jason urged. “A janitor will find him soon enough.”

On the ninth floor, Cullen was passed out in sweat-drenched clothing.

“Oh, god!” Cassie exclaimed, rushing toward the passed out intern. “Do you have water?” she asked Jason.

“Yes, it’s right here in the invisible bag that I’m carrying.”

“Ass.”

“Wh…what happened?” Cullen slurred.

“You passed out in the stairwell. Jason will carry you the rest of the way and then we’ll get you hydrated.”

“Thanks…Cassie…Jason….”

“No problem, kiddo,” Jason said. He heaved the intern up and over his shoulder. “Alright, then. Let’s get this over with.”

On the ninth floor, Cullen threw up all over Jason’s back.

 

 

 

**IV. The White Elephant Party**

“I—I love Dick.” The words slurred ungracefully from Jason’s mouth and into Cassie’s poor ear. Dick was giving her apologetic looks as he attempted to pry Jason off of her. “Yo—you know…” He paused to burp. “I’m gonna—hic—marry him some…someday.” With flushed cheeks, Dick managed to pull Jason off of her and spew apology after apology.

“I thought all I was going to receive were these shitty cat salt-and-pepper shakers, but I also got a love confession. Yay.”

“Cassie, I’m sorry. You know how he is.”

“Don’t worry,” Cassie assured him. “He hasn’t drank on the clock in weeks. You’re good for him Dick.”

“Sandsmark!” Damian approached the group with a scowl on his face. “Your intrusive boyfriend has my gift. It is meant for Colin, and I demand that he relinquish it immediately.”

“First of all,” Cassie began, “the budget was a maximum of twenty dollars. Secondly, this is a white elephant gift exchange not a secret Santa gift exchange.”

“Fine. I will fight him for it.”

“Wh—Seriously? Dude…”

“I’m going to take Jason home,” Dick said. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Sandsmark. Where is Allen?”

“Damian, you don’t need to fight him for it. Just trade him the gift you have.”

“–tt–Yes, I’m sure Allen would get much use out of the vibrating women’s underwear.”

“ _Damian_. Don’t you dare give those up.”

“And why the hell not?” he demanded.

Cassie laughed, and the scowl on his face only deepened at her condescending behavior. “Come on, Damian. You can’t think of _anything_ you would do with those panties?” He looked thoughtful for a moment, before his eyes widened in realization. “Yeah,” Cassie said. “Exactly.”

Damian cleared his throat. “Excuse me. I must find Colin,” he said before stalking off at a brisk pace.

“Well, hello,” a smooth voice said in her ear. She turned around to face her boyfriend and gave him a quick kiss. “The best thing about these kinds of shindigs is that I get to arrive and leave with the prettiest girl in the room…And I got this sick iPad.”

“I’ve done a good deed,” Cassie proudly stated.

“Yeah?” Bart wrapped an arm around her waist. “You bless me with your presence every day. Is that the good deed you’re talking about?”

She fiddled with Bart’s tie and allowed a smile to grace her features. “Damian wanted to fight you for your gift, but I convinced him that it wouldn’t be in his best interest.”

“That’s a shame. I would’ve loved to punch that little shit in the face.”

“Mhm,” she agreed, pressing another kiss to his cheek. “Wouldn’t we all?”

“That’s the Christmas spirit, babe.”

 

 

 

**V. The Bathroom**

“Oliver ran a fever last night. I was up with him until three in the morning. I thought I’d have to take him to the hospital." 

Diana sighed. “Those were the good old days, Kate. Then they start talking, and they become defiant.”

“Whoa,” Kate said. “What happened yesterday?”

“Carly has been hiding her vegetables in her napkin,” Diana responded with some amusement. “She called Babs’ broccoli icky, and I think it hurt her feelings.”

“It’s kind of cute,” Steph said, although she didn’t sound invested in their conversation. “Babe, what are you doing?” Everyone looked at Cass, some in amusement while others didn’t bother to hide their disdain.

“I’m due for a pedicure, and I’m sure as hell not going to pay Elsa after she chipped my polish.” After climbing onto the counter, Cass proceeded to turn on the sink and stick her feet under the running water. “That’s nice,” she groaned.

“Then don’t mind if I join you.” Cassie took off her shoes and climbed onto the other side of the counter, taking up her own sink with her bare feet. She ignored the glares from her managers and leaned back against the wall. “It’s been a long week. Bart’s parents are visiting this weekend, and we have to pick them up from the airport after work. They don’t like me.”

That was an understatement.

Before Bart dated Cassie, he had been in a long-term relationship with his high school sweetheart. After six years, distance managed to kill their relationship, and Bart’s parents must have really been attached to Laura, or Lauren, or Laurie, or what-the-fuck-ever her name was, because they had a penchant for passive-aggressively attacking her interests, appearance, movements, speech…

“No, hon, that’s not true,” Kara tried to comfort. “He’s their only son. I’m sure they’re just being protective.”

“I’m my parents’ only daughter, and they love Bart.”

“Don’t worry, Cassie,” Diana said. “It definitely took a _very_ long time for Babs’ parents to warm up to me. How do you think they felt about their daughter dating an older woman with a kid?”

“The first time I met Maggie’s parents, they asked me if I robbed the cradle often.”

“Ouch,” Cass commented, but Diana was laughing the incident off. “Steph, there should be some body oil in my purse. These feet are overdue for a massage.”

Cassie made a disgusted noise. “Who carries around body oil?”

“Smart people. Duh,” was Steph’s response. “You’ll never know when you’ll need it. Trust me.”

“Ew.”

“Gross.”

“Seriously?”

“Hey!” Cass protested. “This is a no-judgment-bathroom! “And right now, I think we should all focus on Cassie and her monster-in-laws rather than criticize how often I need to use body oil.”

“First of all, they’re not my in-laws.” The thought made Cassie fucking cringe. “Second, I’d much rather not talk about my problems—”

“Yeah, you would,” Diana said. “That’s why you came to the bathroom.”

“Maybe I need to pee.”

“No, _I_ need to pee,” Kara said before locking herself in one of the stalls. “Keep talking!” she called from inside. “I can hear fine!”

“There’s nothing much to say,” Cassie insisted. “His ex doted on him and his parents, and they can’t stand that I have a life outside of their son.”

“Bart loves how smart and independent you are,” Kate insisted. “After how long you guys have been together, there is no way that his parents can change his mind about you. In fact,” she said slyly, “I would bet that Bart is flying his parents into Gotham for very special circumstances.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cassie asked the devious girls sharing cunning looks.

“Cassie, you dumbass, he’s going to propose!” Kara shouted from her stall.

That…was unexpected.

They had been together for three years and living together for two and a half of those years. And, yes, maybe the topic had come up once or twice. But it wasn’t as if she was dying to get married. Hell, she didn’t even think she would get married until she was well into her thirties. Being married to Bart…It was a ridiculous concept. Absolutely ridiculous…

“I need a moment,” Cassie muttered before shutting herself in a bathroom stall for the rest of the workday.

 

 

 

 

**VI. The Pregnancy Scare**

“Shit, _shit._ ”

The ideal Wednesday afternoon consisted of gliding through the workday, leaving at five, enjoying a relaxing evening at home with Bart, and getting to bed at a reasonable hour so that she could be awake for work the next day. Instead, she was in a bathroom stall at work pissing on a stick.

“What does it say?” Kara asked from outside the stall.

“I’m still peeing,” Cassie replied. “Shit, Kara, you can hear me peeing.”

“Jeeze, sorry.”

When she finished, Cassie pulled up her skirt and flushed the toilet. She set the pregnancy test on the counter and washed her hands while Kara kept watch at the door to make sure nobody entered. Today was a fucking mess.

It hadn’t been her idea to take the pregnancy test. She was sure her body was acting strangely to the changed birth control, and that was why she had missed her period. But Kara had caught her throwing up in her trashcan and insisted that she take the stupid test. Being pregnant wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it would definitely suck. She and Bart were not married, and that would absolutely kill her parents and give his parents another reason to hate her. They also lived in a one bedroom apartment, which didn’t have enough room to house them and a baby. There was also that one little problem with them not knowing anything about parenting and never having the kids discussion.

“What if it’s positive?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are you going to tell Bart?”

“That it’s positive? Shit, I don’t know.”

“Fuck.”

“Cassie?” a voice called frantically from outside the bathroom. “Cassie! I’m coming in!” Bart shouted before bursting into the bathroom. He pushed past Kara and rushed to Cassie but stopped short in front of her, eyeing the test on the counter. “You should’ve told me.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know that your scrotum got sucked into your asshole and was replaced by a vagina,” Kara joked half-heartedly.

“You want to give us a minute?” Bart snapped.

Kara huffed before exiting the bathroom.

“Well, this is shit timing,” Cassie said without looking at him. “Your parents are coming into town tomorrow and…shit.”

“Before you start freaking out, there’s something I need to say.” Bart took a deep breath and pulled a velvet box out of his pocket…the kind that engagement rings were kept in. “I was going to ask you tonight…That’s why my parents are coming to town. I was going to tell them that we’re engaged.”

“You just assumed I’d say yes.”

He chuckled nervously. “I’m just trying to be optimistic.”

“I know one thing for damn sure, and that’s that you’re not proposing to me in this bathroom, so just put it away. _Put it away._ ”

“Okay, okay.” He hastily shoved the box back into his pocket. “There. It’s gone.”

“Good.” Cassie looked down at the pregnancy test. “Looks like you’re in the clear.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Maybe it being positive wouldn’t have been such a bad thing.”

“Bart, we’re not ready.”

“Is anyone ever ready?” he asked. “Look, Cassie, I’m ready to move forward, take the next step with you. I love you.”

Cassie smiled. “I love you, too. And if I were to have kids, it would definitely be with you.”

“That’s good to know…So about that proposal…?”

“About that proposal,” she repeated with a smirk. “I guess you’re going to have to wait until tonight for a proper answer.”


End file.
